Back
by harpies ladies
Summary: Athrun regrets having killed Kira to avenge Nicol. He regrets not having valued Nicol so much while he lived, he wants to start all over. He wants Nicol back...and so Nicol returns.


A/N: I just watched episode 30 over. And as always I'm all worked up over Nicol's death and Athrun's angsty reaction. I really wish that on the series they had actually gone deeper into it, but let's not criticize one of the best anime series. So this is just my version of what I wish had happened based on episodes 29 and 30. If you have read my past works you definitely know that _I hate making Nicol die_, which is why I never did it. In this fan fiction he's dead, but I choose to bring him back. : Sniff, sniff: _I kill Kira instead (or rather Athrun does) because I hate him for killing Nicol even though it's pretty clear he didn't mean to._

"_If you were close to one of the men who died, you would not feel as if you had won much. Maybe that's what war is. You lose when you lose and lose when you win"._

_-Rufus Rowe, December 15, 1862._

Chapter one:

Nicol's return

Cagalli rushed from Kisaka's side even though he attempted to stop her over to the now injured Strike Gundam.

"Cagalli wait!" Kisaka yelled, but she never heard it. For now all she could think of was Kira Yamato. 'Inside there. You have to be there! You better be…' she thought as she climbed on top of the gigantic mobile suit. Her heart immediately sank at the sight of the cockpit.

"Where's the pilot! Where's Kira!" she asked reaching for the melted metal surrounding the seat inside the cockpit of the Strike. The men around her shook their heads, one of them spoke:

"No one Miss.Attha. It was empty, not even a body was found" she was suddenly pulled back off of the Strike. She turned, not to her surprise it was her body guard Kisaka.

"Where's Kira!" Kisaka lost patience 'Don't you realize…' he though as he shook her off her foolishness.

"He's dead. Is it not clear to you?" Kisaka pointed at the earth alliance GAT unit. But still, Cagalli Yula Attha refused to understand him. When she turned her head, she saw men gathered around something that had come floating from the sea. Perhaps a person, perhaps…

"Move, let me through!" the orb princess cried as she pushed through the men to see if Kira was there. But, no it was not him.

"A ZAFT pilot" said a man pointing to the insignia in his red ZAFT uniform. Cagalli's eyes grew wide.

"…Athrun…" she whispered.

Athrun Zala opened his eyes due to the brightness that his eye lids were unable to block. His head was aching and he almost instantly remembered his mistake. The room…he was completely unfamiliar with, yellow walls, a desk, Cagalli, a chair…he stopped.

"This is ORB territory" she informed quite seriously. He then realized that he was being helped by the neutral nation in some kind of nursery and what Cagalli had meant by 'I'm not with the Earth alliance', she was neutral.

"Where's Kira?" Asked the blonde wanting to know without farther delay impatiently where her friend was. Athrun smiled and looked at the wall rather cynically.

"I killed him" she pointed the gun to him and approached drawing the weapon closer, pressing it to his neck. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes and rapidly fell, as did Athrun trying to control his melancholy. Her wrist shook holding the gun close to him; she punched him making his broken arm hurt more than it had before.

"Kira…he always cried…he was an idiot," she cried harder not being able to stop. Dropping the gun on the bed. "But he was a kind person. You were friends :sniff: Why Athrun?" She cried harder and abruptly turned to punch the wall enraged.

"Do you want to know?" she looked at him very angry. Cagalli looked at him, he was miserable: his eyes making tears more rapidly as he spoke, his hand made into a fist. He sobbed harder.

"Idiot! Why, look at you; you killed him :sob: yet you're crying: sob: Bastard!" she slapped him.

"He killed Nicol. He was only fifteen, so young…so innocent! He loved to play the piano; he just wanted to protect the PLANTs! After he saw Unius seventh! He killed Nicol…" Athrun in a midst of confusion started laughing, very hard still crying behind the cracks of laughter. Cagalli too was unable to stop crying and also confused.

"I just realized :chuckle: that Kira's death…it won't bring Nicol back to life" Athrun's laughter became that of a nervous person and at last he sobbed his heart out along with Cagalli.

"My bad. My mistake, Cagalli"

":sniff: You killed him for no reason then! Kill because he was killed…be killed because he killed. How will this war ever come to an end?" she asked.

"I don't know that for sure…at this rate there will be no end" The crying slowly died out from the room. Cagalli took of a necklace with a rock off her neck putting it on Athrun's.

"You accident prone. Hopefully this will keep you safe, it's a good luck rock" she stated, and all deaths were forgotten then.

The Gamow and Vesalius were waiting for him outside; he went out in his boxers with a long coat on and a cast in his arm. Commander Le Creuset waited for him, Cagalli waved and soon he was off back to being a ZAFT lapdog wishing that Nicol were back, regretting having fought Kira 'till his death.

Inside Athrun's room inside the Vesalius

(A/N: normal Athrun speaking or thinking, _ItalicsNicol Speaking _**Bold Yzak and Dearka speaking.**)

Athrun's POV

"_Athrun, there's a bank of flying fish on the other side. Would you like to see?"_ I should have said yes.

"Great concert"

"_You were sleeping"_ I shouldn't have fallen asleep on your rehearsal.

"We're staying here"

"**What are you thinking Zala!**"

"_I believe in you, Athrun"_How did I not believe in you? How did I not return those feelings of trusting a friend?

"**He's a coward**" I should have let them know that he was the bravest one; he saved my life…ingrates…me and everyone else for judging him.

But I still killed Kira. Did I not? Nicol was avenged, what good does that do? He didn't long enough to see the war stop…how much I wish, somehow he could return.

Athrun woke up, still irritated about the events that had occurred to him, his thoughts on all the unfairness that happened around Nicol, and his natural understanding of it all. His gift of playing the piano and fighting. His tolerance, love for his race, all still playing on the back of his brain.

He tried to stand up, but his arm was much too heavy for him to do it on his own. Frustrated, he sunk back inside the sheets. The door slid open

"Athrun, how are you feeling?" Athrun jumped up straight forgetting completely about his arm. He had recognized the soft voice of a young friend that he had believed was not alive. At the sight of his green haired, floating towards him his left eye twitched in disbelief. 'This looks too real…am I dreaming? N-no he…' Athrun stuck out his hand to feel Nicol…there was now inside his mind the possibility that he was a ghost…he felt his face…it was warm…he was alive. Athrun fainted.


End file.
